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Watch How We Grow
Instill Life-Long Pride In A Job Well-Done
Teach Kids That They Are Responsible For Their Actions
Q. My children seem to grow more in the summer than any other time during the year. Is this true?
A. This may be true for your children. A child’s growth is indeed cyclical. We see growth spurts beginning early in life and often notice growth patterns such as an increase in calorie consumption with each spurt. For your children it may be during the summer, for others, it may correspond with a birthday, the start of the school year, or other time of year.
Many factors influence human growth, the most critical being genetics and a child’s environment. According to pediatrician Dr. Daniel Levy, M.D., FAAP President, Maryland Chapter American Academy of Pediatrics, and National Spokesperson for the American Academy of Pediatrics, “Other factors that contribute to a child’s growth include nutrition, exercise, sleep, medical conditions, medications, stress including abuse or neglect, and living conditions.”
The adolescent growth spurt corresponding to teenage hormonal change tends to begin anywhere from eight to ten years of age in African-American girls, and ten to thirteen in African-American boys. During this intense growth period, children typically grow three to five inches per year regardless of the season, as they begin to exhibit the body changes associated with physical maturity.
Q. My son is very talented, but I can only motivate him to consistently live up to his potential by punishing him when he does not. This has worked for many years but he’s getting too old for it. How can I get him to recognize the intrinsic value of doing well in school?
A. Talk to your son to determine how he feels about his grades and performance. He may not feel he’s capable of achieving good grades without being forced to. He may also interpret a punishment as attentive intervention in his life or associate working hard with being punished.
Your son needs to learn how to self-motivate and obtain personal satisfaction from his accomplishments. Implement a positive, proactive plan to motivate your son. Discuss upcoming assignments, school projects, and tests to determine if he’s truly prepared to do the work. Explain how every assignment is a reflection of him. Create an environment where your son can feel proud of himself. This way he will be motivated to strive toward exceeding expectations rather than needing to be forced into performing well.
Use consistent praise to gently remind him of how well he’s doing and to instill in him a sense of pride in his work. Establish a system of goals and rewards to give him something positive to work toward. Perhaps he can earn a free chore pass, or a day of lounging for good grades, instead of being punished for poor grades. Set realistic expectations initially in order for him to easily meet the challenge and begin to feel good about himself and his work.
Q. My daughter is a straight A student being courted by many top colleges and universities. She was recently kicked out of a prestigious private school for being caught with other students who were doing drugs. She thinks she was wrongly dismissed. How do I get her to see this for the amazing error in judgment that it was?
A. In order for your daughter to fully understand the consequences of her actions, she needs to understand her role in the situation. Is she aware of how this might affect her admission to college and her reputation? Did she make the decision to put herself in this situation or was she unaware drugs would be used? If she did not know drugs were being used, it is understandable to feel victimized.
You also need to ascertain her understanding of the situation. Did she fully understand the potential ramifications of the situation? How does she feel about her friends’ drug use?
Children are naturally impetuous. They require guidance to think a situation through for all the possible consequences and to see a decision through to all its potential end results.
Use this situation as a springboard to open a line of dialogue about potentially dangerous and socially harmful situations. Help her recognize the responsibility inherent in choosing friends and acquaintances. Help her gather the tools to make better decisions instead of stressing that she made a poor choice. Talk about decisions she makes on a daily basis to stimulate an awareness of her responsibility in all of her actions.
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